Fri01272012

Last update10:09:18 PM GMT

Shrub Monkey's Cunt of the Day

Trawling the daily news to find you the person most worthy of being awarded Shrub Monkey's prestigious Cunt of the Day.

Vote for January's Cunt of the Month ---->

January 27th 2012 - Bashar al-Assad

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Syria's utter cunt of a president Bashar al-Assad is today's Cunt of the Day.

There is, it would appear, absolutely no stopping Assad. Not that the Arab League's Observer Mission was expected to perform miracles, or that calls from leaders around the world for the violence to stop (except for the Russians who continue to supply arms to Assad) were going to make any difference.

Today is just another day in the Syrian uprising with Assad's goons busily murdering innocent civilians as the BBC reports renewed attacks on the cities of Homs and Hama with dozens killed. The Arab League has also reported a "high escalation" of violence in recent days.

Not to worry, the UN Security Council is due to discuss a possible resolution on Syria. Assad must be quaking in his hobnail boots at the thought of a resolution that is, what, going to tell him to stop killing people or the Security Council is going to be jolly cross.

Who knows what the answer is? The Syrian people, however, are not giving up. They hate Assad so much that they are dying in their thousands. The very least we can do is shout some support for them and join them in calling Assad a cunt.

Sponsored by people who are interested in the Stephen Hester bonus debate raging in the UK right now. Hester appears to be a lightning rod for all asshole bankers who continue to be rewarded with bonuses in the millions. Let not anger towards Hester detract from what should be anger directed at every single one of these greedy motherfucking assholes.

January 26th 2012 - Jean-Claude Mas

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Jean-Claude Mas is today's Cunt of the Day.

It's high time Mas got a nod on these pages and the day of his arrest by French police seems like a good enough time. As the owner and founder of Poly Implant Prothese (PIP) Mas last year admitted to police that his company used mattress grade industrial silicone in breast implants that have been given to up to 400,000 women. The BBC says Mas "told police that PIP had deceived European safety inspectors for 13 years".

Cheaping out on a product that is surgically implanted into people's bodies seems a particularly cuntish thing to do especially when you consider these women now live with the fear their breast implants could rupture and leak, making them potentially lethal.

In the BBC's report on the story, the following quote from Mas sticks out: "He also said he had "nothing" to say to women facing surgery for their removal and that victims had only filed complaints "to make money"". What a fucking hypocrite. Presumably PIP's use of cheap silicone was a means of upping its profits, lots of which no doubt lined Mas' pockets. For this cunt to turn around and accuse his victims of being money-grabbers is more than enough to justify the greedy, arrogant piece of shit being made today's Cunt of the Day.

Sponsored by people who were deeply disturbed by a story in the Huffington Post about Texan Larry Dollins who is in "custody after stabbing his 14-month-old puppy Taz eleven times before leaving her in a dumpster".

January 25th 2012 - Sarah Duncan

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Sarah Duncan is today's Cunt of the Day.

Remember the days before cameras were everywhere and the internet came along? Those days when people like the lady who threw a cat in a bin would get with doing nasty shit. These days, one minute you're acting like a cunt and the next you've gone viral. It's fucking hilarious. 

Today's Cunt of the Day is one such person. Sarah Duncan is apparently a wealthy businesswoman who runs Sarah Duncan Knitwear in Bath, UK. She caused huge tailbacks by parking her car in the middle of the road which is pretty cuntish in itself. A man, out of interest, filmed what was going on with the traffic as a result of Duncan's driving. This led to him being chased down the street by Duncan who not only yelled at him and tried to take his phone away, she threatened to tell police he had assaulted her. Then her husband threatens the man who, throughout the entire incident, remains calm and polite.

Watch for yourself:

This appears to be an open and shut case of a wealthy cunt who thinks she can push people around because she is a nasty, bullying piece of shit. In the old days that would have been an end to the matter; however, now the video has gone viral (according to the Telegraph) poor Duncan is complaining to police that she is receiving nasty phone calls and emails. That really is too bad. Perhaps her business will also suffer a little as a result of her new internet fame. She should remember, however, that none of this would have happened if she and her husband hadn't acted like cunts in the first place.

Sponsored by people who were interested to learn that the judge deciding the fate of yesterday's Cunt of the Day, Sgt Frank Wuterich, has said he should serve no time in jail. It was thought his plea deal would see him jailed for 3 months for his part in the killing of 24 unarmed Iraqi civilians. So, the value of an Iraqi civilian life just went from 4 days in jail to no days in jail. Happy days.

January 24th 2012 - Sgt Frank Wuterich

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Sgt Frank Wuterich is today's Cunt of the Day.

Dubbed the "butcher of Haditha" for leading his men on a rampage killing civilians in Haditha, Iraq in 2005, a plea deal has seen Wuterich get a sentence of 3 months in jail. The other marines involved in the rampage had their charges dropped and one was acquitted.

It must be hard when one of your colleagues gets killed right in front of you. However, does that justify murdering 24 civilians including women, children, old folk and a man in a wheelchair? Most people would think soldiers are trained to be professional at all times and they shouldn't kill civilians. The US military evidently agrees, but such a lenient sentence doesn't put too much value on the lives of Iraqi civilians. Wuterich will do almost 4 days jail time for each person killed - this is likely not justice enough to satisfy the victims' families.

Wuterich's sentence is apparently down to legal wrangling and delay tactics on the part of his lawyer. That, however, is by the by. The man is obviously a cunt who has the blood of women and children on his hands for which he is going to get 90 days jail and will be busted down to the rank of private. It simply isn't enough.

Sponsored by people who were interested to read about a political campaigner in Arkansas who returned home with his kids to find the family cat's head smashed in and the word "Liberal" painted on its corpse. Un-fucking-forgivable.

Our sponsors would also like to mention presidential outsider Rick Santorum who has gone on the record saying he "would urge daughter not to have abortion even after rape". What a guy!

January 23rd 2012 - Bashar al-Assad

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Bashar al-Assad is today's Cunt of the Day.

The international conspiracy against Syria is now so big as to include other Arab countries. This, apparently, is what fucking asshole Syrian president Bashar al-Assad believes. The Arab League (you know, those guys with the observer mission which was so very successful) have today called for Assad to stand down and to transfer power to his deputy.

Assad's response? Well, he doesn't appear to think much of the suggestion, rejecting it out of hand and accusing the Arab League of being part of an international conspiracy against Syria. It's the same tired response from Damascus, spewing the same old horseshit about fighting "terrorists and armed gangs". 

The Syrian crisis is currently looking as if it has no end. The Syrian people, however, appear as determined as ever to rid themselves of this cancerous wart on the ballbag of Syria in the form of its murderous motherfucking cunt of a president, Bashar al-Assad.

Sponsored by people who were shocked to learn that News of the World journalists "told a string of lies and interfered with the investigation" into the disappearance of Milly Dowler, according to a report released by Surrey police. Really? Murdoch's journalists behaving like that? Who can possibly believe it?

Cunt of the Week - Ali Abdullah Saleh

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Yemen's ex-president Ali Abdullah Saleh is this week's Cunt of the Week.

The BBC reports that Saleh has left Yemen to get treatment in the US. This cunt has somehow managed to fly away from a 30 year dictatorship not only without facing any charges for his lengthy list of crimes against humanity but to also get top notch medical treatment in the US, no doubt paid for with money stolen from the people of Yemen. The cunt even made a farewell speech in which he asked for forgiveness. Fuck him!

Although this has happened before with other despot assholes (Idi Amin peacefully living out his life in Saudi Arabia comes to mind) it doesn't mean it isn't plain fucking wrong. Saleh will enjoy immunity from prosecution as he leaves Yemen to a future that certainly will not include dealing fairly with its past. 

Why the fuck should Saleh get away with murdering his own people during his corrupt regime? Why isn't he, like Mubarak, on trial? Or dead like Gaddafi? Let us fervently hope that Syria's Assad gets no such deal.

For every cunt like Saleh, there are several more waiting in the wings, keener than ever now they know that after years of corruption and murder there is a chance they might be immune from prosecution.

You would like to think that fate has something deeply unpleasant in store for Saleh. Sadly, life isn't like that and this cunt will live out the rest of his life in luxury, a daily reminder that cunts are still running the world.

January 22nd 2012 - Owners of Dangerous Dogs

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Owners of dangerous dogs are today's Cunts of the Day.

Every once in a while we learn of some asshole whose dog mauls an innocent person. The latest tale is of a six year old girl who had her ear bitten off and suffered significant facial injuries in a mauling by a pit bull type dog in a park Chingford, UK. The owner of the dog has turned himself into police while the girl has undergone plastic surgery and remains in hospital.

There is some argument about whether such attacks are on the increase in the UK or if it is the media coverage of such stories has increased. Either way it doesn't really matter. If you have a dog that is potentially dangerous then you are responsible for its actions and if your dog attacks anyone, a child or an adult, then you are an irresponsible cunt.

Sponsored by people who can't wait to see Mitt Romney's tax returns.

January 21st 2012 - Boko Haram

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Islamist asshole sect Boko Haram is today's Cunt of the Day.

On any normal day these pages would deal with stories such as this one about an Indonesian who has been attacked, arrested and is looking at five years in jail for posting "God does not exist" on Facebook. That, or news of women in Malawi being stripped and beaten for wearing trousers. Instead it is back to Nigeria we go to once again call Boko Haram cunts.

The BBC reports that over 150 people have been killed in coordinated attacks in the city of Kano for which Boko Haram has claimed responsibility. If you don't know much about Boko Haram then pretty much all you need to know is that they are complete cunts. They are against anything "western" which includes democracy, wearing clothing, education and treating women with any kind of decency. Not only that, they are prepared to commit mass murder in order to foist their hateful so-called religious based horsepiss agenda upon Nigeria.

They are cunts of the highest order which is proved by the fact that the streets of Kano are littered with the bodies of innocent people and the city's hospitals and mortuaries are overflowing.

Sponsored by people who were outraged by this article in today's Guardian which begins: "Two undercover police officers secretly fathered children with political campaigners they had been sent to spy on and later disappeared completely from the lives of their offspring". Un-fucking-believable!

Our sponsors also found themselves pleased by news that supreme cunt Nadine Dorries' bill "calling for teenage girls to be given compulsory lessons in sexual abstinence was pulled at the last minute from the House of Commons" yesterday. Fuck Dorries.

January 20th 2012 - Ihjaz Ali, Kabir Ahmed & Razwan Javed

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Ihjaz Ali, Kabir Ahmed and Razwan Javed are today's Cunts of the Day.

There's nothing finer than making hate filled assholes like these three total dickwads Cunt of the Day. Convicted in Derby, UK of stirring up hatred on the grounds of sexual orientation, they distributed leaflets calling for the death penalty for gay people.

These good Muslim men were driven by their belief that society should rid itself of homosexuality by killing gay people. Their defense was based on the fact that they were simply following the instructions of their religion. Thankfully the UK doesn't accept such excuses for being intolerant cunts. 

Such ignorant and hateful behaviour is reprehensible and to use religion as a defense makes these three idiots all the more despicable. As if Muslims aren't getting enough of a shitkicking these days without assholes like this pitching in.

They will be sentenced in February and let us hope the judge decides society can do without three hatefilled cunts for a while and they are carted off to jail where they will, no doubt, be welcomed with open arms.

Sponsored by people who were sickened to read about two sex criminals from the UK. David Morrison from Scotland has been jailed for 4 years for raping a 14 month old baby. Next up is 19 year old Amber Roderick who has been indefinitely for luring a 16 year old girl to a party and then joining two men in raping her. Click on the links only if you can stand including news of these sick fucks in your day.